June 2, 2025 • 38 mins
Hi, guys! I’m so excited that you’re here because today, I’m talking to my husband Emilio about a really juicy topic: friends of the opposite sex. We’re going to be talking about our personal rules of engagement, how we’ve handled situations in the past and then we’ll wrap things up with some advice for anyone in a relationship.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome in, Welcome in.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Don't be shy, guys, come on in and listen to
this week's episode of your favorite podcast, Cheek is in
Chill Now. As you can tell by the title of
this episode, we're going to be talking about something that
people have very different opinions about. I feel like every
couple takes a different approach and has different rules when
it comes to having friends of the opposite sex, and
I'm here to share mine. I know this episode is
(00:27):
going to get a little juicy, so let's hop right
into it. I've decided to bring my wonderful husband, Emidio,
to talk about this topic. I wanted to get a
male's perspective, and I also wanted to give you guys
a little behind the scenes look at how we handle
things in our relationship.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Okay, so let's talk about it. Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
So I'm going to start off by saying that when
I met Emilio, it was different in every single way.
He is seven years younger. I think you wanted to
have a different type of relationship when we first let's
go back way back, okay, four and a half years ago.
(01:07):
So he was kind of like, Okay, I want to
do my thing I want to go on trips because
I think the first week, wait, the first week that
we were together, I went on a trip to a wedding,
and then the week after when I came back, then
he left on a trip and he was with a
friend recording working quote unquote, and there was a bunch
(01:32):
of girls.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
What it's not quote unquote, Yes it is quote.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Unquote because well, because okay, fine, you were working and
you got paid, yes, but you just had a lot
of fun with this particular client and who I love,
by the way, he's awesome. But when he was single,
then he had a bunch of girls where you guys were,
and there was a lot of ash shaking and thongs
and stuff, and that I remember him going and how
(01:58):
uncomfortable I felt, because I'm like, Okay, this is my
opportunity to grow. I want to grow, I want to
be better. I want this relationship to work again. It
was very fresh. It was two weeks in, but we
were really in it, and I really felt like, Okay,
I really like this guy, and this is not what
I was expecting in any way, it wasn't the right time,
and I was a little jaded, and I was very
(02:20):
honest with him, but I wanted it to work. So
I remember him saying, Okay, well, I still want to
be myself and go with my friends and go on
trips and this and this and that. And I said, okay, fine,
this is something new for me. I'm going to make
this work, and I'm also going to do the same.
With that being said, he also has not had because
(02:41):
he has a lot of female friends, very beautiful female friends.
In my opinion, I have.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Met them all.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
I don't want to be controlling you guys, like that's
my biggest thing. I'm like, I want him to be himself.
I feel like, and I learned from the past that
if you hold on too tight, the person's going to
want to let loose. You just have to let people
be and just say, hey, this makes me feel a
little uncomfortable. But anyway, it was very different for me.
But again, I think I did a pretty good job.
(03:10):
And tell me if I didn't. But I feel like
I did a pretty good job with embracing and you
were very good with letting me know, hey, this is
my friend, you know. And he would go to lunches
with his friends a lot, and he doesn't do that
as much and I remember thinking, oh my god, this
is so weird. This is so foreign for me, because
you know, I was with Latinos that were very machistas
(03:31):
and it was like, no, you can't show too much cleavage,
and you can't have guy friends and this and that,
and I was like, okay, yeah, you can't have any
friends of the opposite sex, is what I thought. But
I'm glad that we're together and that now we're that
I experienced this with you, because you did a very
(03:52):
nice job with letting me know about your friends that
are females and introduce me right away, and I think
that made the biggest difference.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Do you have anything to say, Yeah, I know, it's
a lot. I just I know.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
I know I said a lot.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
I think now that, especially when I look back, I
think I think what I really wanted, because even like
when you said, I may have said this, I may
have I may have said it differently. I honestly, I
don't really remember because it was a long time ago.
But like when you said, like well in the beginning, oh,
I want to be able to go on trips, I
want to do this, I want to do that, I
(04:31):
don't necessarily remember that feeling of wanting that. But what
I do remember is just I knew I just wanted
to do things different, and maybe I didn't know the
best way to do that yet because I had never
done it before. I was not a good person in
my twenties, you know, especially in partnerships, and I never
(04:51):
feel comfortable to just be like, all, we're all here,
we're all you know, include do you include a partner
in everything? In every part of my life? And when
I met you, it was the first time that I
did that. So it was just really me trying to
navigate on how to do it. And it wasn't perfect.
I made mistakes. I didn't know what I was doing.
(05:14):
But the wanting to be different, I just I kept
with that and they got me to where we're where
we're at, we're at now.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
So have you realized that you have more female friends
than guy friends?
Speaker 3 (05:26):
It's different, I feel for your perspective versus mine, because like,
I just think it's even, Like I think it's really
even because there's my close close people that I'll call
on a weekly basis, they're two or three and they're
they're all dudes. There's not a female friend actually who
(05:49):
I call on a regular basis or even really talk
to on a regular basis as much.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Do you think it's because we're together, honestly.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Not really. Things just change, like your daily things change,
like when I'm in my twenties, Like, yeah, I would
go probably have lunch with more often, but that's because
we probably live five minutes away from each other. It
was like, your life is different. You don't have like
someone that you're like, that's your priority, that's a part
of your life in such a big way. And even
(06:22):
if I did have someone, I wouldn't bring them, you
know what I mean. It's not because I'm married. It
doesn't change because I'm married and because I can't and
because I have It has nothing to do with that.
It's just life just changes.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Yeah, because I do want to clarify that. Yeah, because
I remember in the beginning it made me feel a
little uncomfortable because I again it was something new for me.
But I met them, all the ones that are important
to you anyway, you know, all these these women that
you introduced me to very very quickly, and they made
(06:58):
me feel a lot of peace. I love them all,
you know, and I appreciate them very much. And also
I think you are the type of guy that girls
can talk to and when they need advice, like, you're
that guy. You know, there's certain guys and you're one
of those guys. And I've learned that throughout the years,
which is why it doesn't bother me anymore. But in reality,
(07:19):
let's be honest, what do you really think about couples
having friends of the opposite sex?
Speaker 3 (07:27):
I think when especially in our conversations, when I say,
if I have to ever say, oh, my friend, has
my friend asked me to do this? My friend asked
me to that the word friend when your partner says
it the partner that's listening to it, sometimes it can
that word friend can feel a lot heavy because there's
a lot of unknown with it. It was like, what
does friend mean? And most of the time it's just
(07:50):
it's just how else do you refer to someone that
you just know, you know, you just kind of refer
to as the word friend?
Speaker 1 (07:57):
But maybe next time use homegirl.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
There's okay, there's like I think what we get scared
of is like the unknown of friend, Like because in
this world so many things can happen mm hmm. We
feel that there's a dark side of friend. Sometimes and
it's like sometimes they're just not like I literally just
I met this person maybe seven years ago and then
I've just known them now in my life and it's
(08:20):
not more than that. But I understand because like if
you just be like, hey, I have this friend and
I'm like, oh, I never heard of him, and well,
of course, like you lived an entire life before me,
and you've met people and you know people.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
That's what you told me by the way, You're like,
I lived an entire life before you, babe, I know
a lot of people. And that was I was like
harsh in a way. But then I'm like, it's a
harsh reality. He's being honest. I can't get can't be
so sensitive, but it's true.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
You're right, yeah, but it's not an insult or like
a thread or anything to like, it's just more of
a I see it more as a fact, you know
what I mean, like versus like trying to make you
feel like, well, whole life before it Like that's not
the way.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
I mean it, you know, I mean my mind sometimes
I'm like, there isn't anyone.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Before me, Like.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
I'm his first yeah, everything, everything.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Everything, Okay, So then let me ask you the question
in a different way. How would you feel if me
if your wife Janey had friends of the opposite sex.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
I mean, if that's just that the question is like okay, yeah,
Like I think there needs to be more than just that.
Do you have you have friends? Yes, you have. You
have a lot of friends that are I have a
lot of gay friends. You have a lot of.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Friends just that are that are male, or a lot
there's a lot of acquaintances. See that's a difference. Like
the people that we just mentioned. You have friends that
are females. I have a lot of acquaintances that are males,
and I keep them there.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
There is a.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Huge boundary I guess that I've always kept even before you. Now,
I think that it's a little different for us because
you came with these friends into the relationship and I
was coming into your life and I had to adjust
and accept and I did because I love you, and
(10:14):
because you did a very good job with being honest.
And I think that's what we have to clarify here
that I think it's the way that you approached everything,
and you did it early on. It wasn't a surprise.
You weren't hiding it because you were trying to do
things differently that made me feel safe. And I met
them and they're all amazing women whom I love very
(10:35):
much that now they're my friends. Now if there's just
a random female coming in, it's like, oh, she's my friend,
it's like, well, wait, wait a second, that's a little
weird for me, you know. And I think that would
be the same situation on my end, Like I have
a lot of friends. I have, like I said, like
a lot of gay friends that I talked to all
(10:56):
the time. But there's no threat there because they're gay, right.
But there are a lot of industry men that I know.
But again, it's not someone that I would text all
the time. But I'm curious to know, Like, what if
there's someone like, for instance, I don't know, I can't
even think of someone, but someone that I've worked with
in the past that he said, hey, let's catch up,
let's go to lunch, and you've probably met them, would
(11:20):
you be okay? Like you've met them in passing and
you know who they are. Let's say, and I'm like, hey,
my friend invited me to lunch. You know him, so
and so would you be okay with me going to
lunch with him.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
I think there's a I mean you know this about me,
I as as your husbands, as the protector of our
home and protector of you. I read people, and I'm
straight up with my feelings towards people. I can get
a jump on someone pretty quickly, I feel, and it
(11:52):
depends on like the person. And I think that's okay
to say, because I feel like that goes both ways.
Like for sure, yeah, if you don't feel comfortable with
someone and you can just kind of tell I mean
I would hope that you would hope that I would
know better to like not even not even bring it
to the table. Yeah, And same with you. And it's
(12:12):
like I think the trust it goes with the trust.
It goes with the trust, Like I chose you to
be my wife because I trust that you'll make the
right decision. You won't never present anything that's on some
weird stuff.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Yeah, I know you now you know like idea the
way you are and what you'd.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Be okay with or not. And I know better in
certain situations, you know, And.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
I feel like that's what we've built where it's like
bringing it up to your partners is like definitely the
right thing to do, but going into it, you should
probably already know the answer I feel with whatever it is.
Or sometimes there just needs to be a discussion about it,
and after the discussion, it's like it's not like a
normal thing that we do in our schedule in our
daily Like we don't just go do that all the time.
(12:56):
So if it ever came around, I think we would
just need to have a conversation about it before it happened, Yeah,
for us both to feel comfortable, because then if I'm
in the unknown, I'm gonna you know, I can, I
can think of things and start start going down a
rabbit hole in my own head, and then you'll probably
feel uncomfortable doing it, and then it doesn't feel good.
So it's like just talking and figuring that out together
(13:20):
is a lot better. So it's not just like a
black and white answer.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Yeah, I get that.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Okay, So let me ask you something about your past then,
because you've had these friends for a long time, right,
these female friends in your past relationships right before me,
were you okay with that partner having friends of the
opposite sex? Like, were you being fair?
Speaker 3 (13:52):
Absolutely not. But also I've never had a relationship where
the dynamic is like this where it's like, okay, we're
keeping tabs on who's being fair and who's not being fair.
I was just completely being unfair the entire time. So
to me, it was just it was kind of like
I had my own world with my friends and just
doing whatever I wanted, and then when it was time
(14:12):
to be with whoever the girl was like, it was separate,
Like I kept them separate.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
It never meshed both worlds. Yeah, that was never meant
to work. There's no way that can work.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Absolutely not. Yeah, I did that on purpose for a
long time, and then I realized that that wasn't cool.
I think I always had it in me to Like
I always knew I wanted to be a good person.
I just didn't know how to and I didn't have
an experience to get to that point yet. And then
(14:44):
when a new situation would come then I'm like, okay,
well i'm gonna I'm going to do the same thing,
but I'm going to tell you that I'm going to
do this. So to me, I felt like it was
a step forward, even though it was still wrong. I
was like, well, at least I'm telling this person what
it is, and that it's not official, not this, it's
not that.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
So you weren't being nice.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
I wasn't. But I also wasn't happy either, okay, yeah,
And I felt like I was searching for this thing
to like, what's going to make me happy? Why am I?
Why am I not happy?
Speaker 2 (15:12):
And it was just it just wasn't the right fit.
It wasn't the right person. It wasn't And so that
that person. Not to say that they're bad, you know,
but it was just not the right fit. And they
weren't you weren't able to be your best self, or
you weren't ready or I don't know, but I was
just wondering, because you know, I think about it all
the time. I'm like, Okay, you know, when we first met,
he would go to lunch with his girlfriends a lot,
(15:34):
and and now you don't. And I don't ever want
them to think that it's because of me, because I'm
okay with it. And I also and if I can
ask you, is it because you know you don't want
to do it because then you don't want me to
do it?
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Perhaps?
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Or is it just life is happening and you just
you haven't been able to do it.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
I think it's to make sure of bost. Like sometimes
I'm like, well, do I even want to open this
can of worms? But I don't. I don't think of
that in a malicious way where I'm like, oh, it
is tricky. It is tricky, but also a bigger part
of it is just we're just doing other stuff. Yeah,
And it has nothing to do with like, I'm not
doing this on purpose. Your priority is just grow different.
(16:14):
And you have this schedule and like in a good
and bad way, you fall into like a life schedule. Yeah,
And like we have our routines and we do what
we do, and there's like a wild card time where
I'm like, Okay, well we don't know what we're gonna do.
We're just gonna go figure it out and have fun.
We have so many different worlds that we can go
step into and so many different friend groups, so it's
like anything can almost happen.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Well, I just want to, you know, give you some
peace of mind and some ease, And it's here recorded
that I wouldn't mind, you know. I think for me,
if there was someone new that came about and you're
going to go to lunch with them, that would make
me feel weird at this point. But if it's the
women that I've already met that I know that respect me,
and I respect them, and you know, I don't mind.
(17:00):
I think it's actually good for you because they're your
friends and they're they give you good advice, you know,
And I don't. What I'm afraid of happening is you
had a whole life before me, and your life has changed.
But I also don't want you to abandon that one
hundred percent because that's your individuality. And maybe you'll go
(17:22):
and say, you know what, it was cool, but I
don't need to do that for a while, or I
just rather go with my wife, or I don't know,
but I don't want it to Like for you not
to do it because you're worried about me, I'm okay
with it, like, because if you get lost in my world,
then you're going to eventually resent me. I mean, but
I think we have a different relationship where we speak
about a lot of things. We have great communication, and
(17:44):
that is absolutely key.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Guys.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Communication, I always say this, with your partner and being
honest and bringing things to the table and discussing it
and finding a middle ground. That's going to make a
world of a difference.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Yeah, And I feel really confident on this, which I
think helps both of our insecurities, is that we created
our world. So when I'm with you, it's not that
I'm just Oh, I'm just in your world and I
do anything you want, same world. Sure, I feel that
more than ever, Like our home, our marriage, our life.
(18:21):
Like when we're together, I don't ever feel like I'm
just doing everything she wants and it's just it's her
world and I'm just getting dragged along in it. Like
I don't feel that in our relationship at all.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
I'm glad to hear that because then I think that
also changed in me as soon as we got married.
There was like a switch, and then couple's therapy helped
a lot with it's not you and him, it's you guys,
and you guys are a team. I think she used
our therapist Tanya, who you guys have met here on
the podcast as well. She said that you were on
(18:54):
the same basketball team and in order to win the game,
you have to work together.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
It's how does she say it? Can you You've explained
it better.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
It's just we're a team and we can't win or
lose against each other because the moment you start doing that,
you already lost everything.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Or see it as this separation.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
Yeah, we have to it's you and me versus the problem,
and that's that's what it's going to be.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Yeah, we're a power team.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Okay, babe.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
So I have a question in medio Sanchez, So do
you think it is possible, now that we've talked about
all this, for relationships to be healthy and work when
one of the partners or both of the partners have
friends of the opposite text, do you really think it
can work?
Speaker 3 (19:44):
I think it absolutely can work for sure.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
How give people some advice? Tell them what's the best
thing that they can do, Like, because we talked a
little bit about everything, but now we need to give
them like here, here are the this is the advice.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
Yeah, I mean when you brought that up right now
that I introduced you to them very fast, Like honestly,
that was me panicking, like because I was so uncomfortable
with it in the past. I'm like, I just I
needed I need to do this right now because were
but I'm also glad I did it, but now today
I would have done it differently. There would be no brush.
But I felt a guilt because I'm like also scared
(20:19):
because I also cared about what we had at the beginning,
you know, and I cared about our relationship and your feelings.
But it was out of panic because I have never
done that before. So it did feel scary. It did
feel like maybe I was doing it for the wrong
reason or I'm hiding things, and was like, no, I
just I just again, I didn't know what I was doing.
(20:41):
But I also am glad now that we did it. Yeah,
I mean, I wouldn't ever bring I wouldn't ever bring
anyone that I shouldn't bring in or around us our life,
or around you, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Yeah, Like you're really good with that.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Wouldn't bring anyone that's weird or you know, doesn't have
good intentions. Yeah, you're very good, Like you said earlier,
you're very good with reading people. And I trust your
judgment and I trust your opinion very much. And what
do you think about people staying contact or being friends
with their exes.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
Personally? I think that's different for everyone. Some people are
more comfortable, some people are not comfortable personally. In our life,
I'm not comfortable with it in our relationship and in
our life. I don't think it's necessary. If there was
things in the beginning that we needed to let go,
let go of them do it. Yeah, I don't think
(21:41):
there needs to be a relationship there.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Yeah, I personally feel that there's no no need.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Just recently, we had a bit of a situation because
of Johnny. Johnny's very close to an X of mine.
I don't need to say names people that know know,
but he was going through a situation my ex and
I had a conversation through Johnny with him and he
just wanted to say thank you to me about something.
(22:11):
And it happened so quickly that I didn't have a
chance to let a media know, hey, this is going
to happen, because it just happened without planning. But I
decided and I chose to be honest with the media
because I'm like, there's just no way that I'm going
to keep that inside and keep it from him, and
it's going to make me feel good. And I want
(22:34):
to ask you, like, how did that make you feel
when I told you.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Yeah, it's weird, because you know, like as like a
real person, like you think like, oh, well, maybe you
shouldn't have done it without telling me first. But then
you also understand, like, well, I guess the way it happens,
and I know, and I know Johnny, and I know
how he is. He just kind of wants like if
he has like a moment, he wants you in a moment.
So like I underunderstand how how it happened. It didn't
(23:03):
bother me too much. It just it probably alerts to you
a little bit, probably like you got my attention. But
I don't think it did anything more than that. And
I think it like, I don't think it needs to
be more than what it was.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Yeah, you told me that, you said, okay, then it happened.
Thank you for letting me know, and let's just leave
it at that. Don't let that continue, don't let that
one conversation turn into more. And I respect of that,
and I said, okay, cool. I just wanted to be
honest with you and let you know because there's no
bad blood there. I'm grateful and he's married and he's
doing his thing and he knows I'm married. It was
(23:38):
just a little conversation, but I did feel I needed
to be honest with you with him. With Emilio, a
Now that we're talking about this topic, I do think
that something that goes hand in hand with this is ultimatums.
Emidio and I love shows ninety D fiance, the ultimatum,
all that stuff, And we had this conversation one time
in bed, and I personally don't think ultimatum's work. I
(24:03):
think your partner should know what is right ish right.
And I personally never thought to even tell Emilio hey,
especially because these girls his friends were there before me,
to say, okay, well it's either your friendship with them
or myself. I didn't even want to go in the
(24:25):
relationship with that energy. One thing I will tell you
is when this whole thing came up where he's like, hey,
my friend hit me up and I'm going to go
do a photo shoot and this and that, and I said, wait,
well friend, I was like, I've never heard of her.
I did tell him, well, you can't do it. As
the words were coming out of my mouth, I was like, oh,
this isn't good, Jene, like, this isn't good.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
This is money for him.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
They're paying him like he's also his friend, you know,
it's kind of he's doing him a favor. Like I
just and then I backtracked and I said, I'm so
sorry that I said that. I don't want to be
that person do it, like, I don't want to stop
you from making your money or not only that, for
you to make a decision on your own, and I
will tell you guys. He went, and he was so
(25:10):
good about it. Hey, babe, I'm here, send me videos,
pictures like he does his part. You do your part,
babe at making me feel comfortable, and I think that's amazing.
Like I didn't ask you for any of that stuff.
I knew. The day came and I'm like, okay, I
don't know this girl, you know, because I of course
I was like, well, let me see your instagram.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Who is this girl?
Speaker 2 (25:28):
You know? I sure did you know? Little Tooxi comes
in a little bit and I was like, oh, she's cute.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
I was like okay.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
I was like, okay, it's okay, Jena, it's fine. This
is not your first rodeo with him, It's fine. There
are always beautiful women around in medio chill out. I
had to talk to myself and be like, Jenny, it's fine.
But then he by himself, was like, hey, babe, I'm here.
I'm going, I'm leaving. I like, communication is so important,
And tell me, how did it make you feel when
I told you you can't do it?
Speaker 3 (25:55):
I forgot that that happened. I think I felt Santa Usa.
I'm like, I think what you're right now is not you, Like,
that's not that's not the real you. And it just
alerts you, you know. And again it's another reason why
I picked you. It's another reason why I trust you,
because like, you check yourself and a lot of people
don't do that, and I trust that you'll you'll get
(26:18):
to that place of clear thinking on your own sometimes.
So I'm glad that worked. When I was there at
the shoot, I obviously the way my brain works is
just like, well what I want her doing. If it
was the other way around, Like if I don't text
you the whole time I was there, I'm like, oh,
I got busy. I'm like, well, it takes two seconds
to send a text. It's just it's just making that effort.
(26:40):
And like for me, I have that feeling of like
I want to take care of Janay. I need to
like just make sure she's good no matter what I'm doing.
I could have been with hanging out with one of
my guy friends. I could have been doing this, but
I that always stays in my head of like, let
me make sure you're good because it's the most important
thing for me.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Thanks, dude. What do you think about ultimatums?
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Ultimatums? I think, thankfully, we've never got like that's never
been a topic of conversation in our relationship. I think
it is a very common thing. It's something that you
think of, like when I think of like relationships or
even my passion relationship, like, well, you either cut us
person out or you don't, or it's me or them,
(27:22):
you know.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
I don't think that's healthy.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
I don't think our foundation wouldever let us get to
that point. Thankfully. Think I think if that's what you're
getting to, then you have other problems to fix in
your relationship before having to make that decision of ultimatum.
I don't think they're healthy. I don't think they're good. Yeah,
if we get to that point, I would hope that
you would, you know, you would have enough information on
(27:44):
your end to like make the right decision or to
take care of that in your own way. Like at
least I know if I got to a point where
I'm like, well, I have to choose between someone and
my wife. Like, I mean, I wouldn't throw fuel in
that fire to keep it going to have to for
you to have to give me that ultimatum. I'd handle
it on my own and never let it get to that. Yeah,
(28:07):
And I think that's why we work because we get
that with each other.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
I think it all just depends on the situation. But
I think ninety percent of the time, ninety five percent
of the time and ultimatum just isn't healthy.
Speaker 3 (28:19):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
I wouldn't want to put anyone in that position of
having to choose, because I want them to choose freely
what they want and what they think is right. And
if they're meant for me, they're going to make the
right decision without me having to ask. That's really my
take on it. And I feel like if you give
someone an ultimatum like and they do do what you want,
(28:39):
then it would never feel organic for me. It would
feel like I forced you to do this and make
this decision. And guys, remember when I met Emilio, I
was seventy pounds heavier.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Do you remember that?
Speaker 3 (29:00):
Yeah? I do.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Now I'm the hottest I've ever been in my whole life.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
Yes, you are, but I'm.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
Working very hard at it.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Okay, I have to wake up at five thirty in
the morning to go work out, not have to, I
choose to anyway. So I feel like it was more
this whole trust thing that we have between each other,
with having friends of the opposite sex. I think it
just comes with the feeling we give each other. It's
not even like because I physically feel better, because even
(29:27):
when I was heavier, this is when everything happened. When
we first started, I was I was.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
I was thick, thick.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
You know you loved it right, Yeah, now you're just thick.
Now I'm just thick. Before I was thick thick. So
I do think that it was just something that it's
how you handle the situation, babe, that made me feel
more confident and secure with myself because I knew you
were completely attracted to me, And even if these girls
(29:56):
they are beautiful and a lot thinner than I was,
it was how you treated me and how you made
me even when we went to go eat with them,
it was like you made me feel like I was
the most beautiful girl in the room. You've always made
me feel that way even when I was bigger, like
for sure, because I thought I was the hottest thing
walking around.
Speaker 3 (30:17):
You were you are.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Because now I see videos and I'm like, okay, damn,
all right, dah people would call me miss Piggy now
and now I see why. I was like okay, but
still I was cute, you know, but you made me
feel very confident. And I think it's also your partner,
how they make you feel and you you constantly tell me.
We tell each other like I only I really honestly
I see you. And when I tell you that you're handsome,
(30:39):
it's because I feel it in that one. I'm like, damn,
he's so handsome, Like I don't know, Like as time
goes by, I'm like, dude, he's so he's hot, you know,
And I think that that helps.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Yeah, and I get it because I'll look at you
and I'm like, you're so beautiful. I'm like, you look
so pretty, and then you really do and you think,
are you like you're just saying that. I'm like, no,
I'm looking at you and I see it and I
feel it. Yeah. It's funny because in the beginning, you know,
I mean, everyone has insecurities and they're so dumb, you know,
Like I remember like, oh, well, maybe you like that
guy because he has bigger arms. So I'm like, oh well,
(31:12):
I need bigger arms. But then I'm like, I'm like, cool,
if that guy has bigger arms, guess what. I know
what I give in this relationship and all of the
inner work and all of the patients and all of
the communication and everything that I give to actually make
this relationship function that holds more weight than any sort
(31:34):
of size arms, or any sort of abs or any
sort of what other someone else has or in a
material way. Like I'm so at peace with that now,
and I feel so secure in us, in our relationship
and with myself. I'm like, I know what we have
because of you and me, and there's no sort of
(31:55):
physical thing on this earth that can ever make me
not feel Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
And I think it also took me also giving you
that confidence, because at first I think you felt that way,
but because I wasn't doing my job as your girlfriend
of making you feel more confident, I think maybe you know.
I don't know, because I think we had little conversations
about that, or I just reinforced you more.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
I don't really know.
Speaker 3 (32:24):
But yeah, there's many layers. There's many layers of making
your partner feel secure, and we've just worked on that.
We've worked on it because when we didn't or when
there was just a lack of in the beginning, just
naturally there's you know, we need to figure how to
make our partner feel secure. We can tell the difference,
(32:45):
and it brings things out. And I think we just
were great out adjusting. Okay, this fight in the beginning
of a relationship. Why did we fight? What caused it? Well,
if it has to do with someone else or something else, okay,
and we just we know how to fix it. Yeah,
And naturally, over time, fixing all those problems makes your
partner feel more secure if you do it in the
(33:07):
right way.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Yeah. I think for me it came with age.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
It came with age where I was just like, you know,
I know who I am, I know my heart, I
know what I bring to the table, and I don't
mean materialistically or I mean like my heart, you know,
and what I want and what I want out of life.
And I think that also gives you a different type
of confidence, you know, because there's always going to be
someone that's prettier and more fit than you are. It's
(33:33):
just what it is. It has prettier hair or whatever
the case may be. But as long as you know
who you are in the depth of your heart and
what you bring to someone's life, that is unique and
no one else can replace that. Like, that's that's what's
given me at this age, at this you know, moment
(33:53):
of my life has given me a different type of confidence.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
Yeah. So the way I make you feel, knowing how
I can make you feel on any given day and
any given moment, that gives me a lot of security
and a lot of confidence. Yeah, because I know you
could be having the worst day ever and within ten
minutes we're laughing and just in our own world. And
(34:18):
that's like, I'm super confident in that.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
And just to close this and conclude this episode, if
you do have friends of the opposite sex and you
are going to enter a new relationship, be honest from
the very beginning.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
Let them know.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Hey, so I want you to know one of my
really good friends happens to be a dude or vice versa.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Be honest.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
I personally feel that there's no need for a friend
who text you too late, unless it's an emergency, and
if so, let your partner know, Like, Hey, so and so,
just text me it's eleven pm. Just want to show
you nothing or tell me the next morning. I don't know,
let the person know before they find out. I think
that that is the best thing that you could do,
(35:05):
is bringing the information forward.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
Yeah, I mean, I feel like, I mean, it's just
it's it is pretty simple, like just don't let anything
happened that you wouldn't want your partner doing. It's just
really what it is. Like. Also, trust that your partner
will handle or stop anything, because you know, we can't
(35:27):
control what other people do. And I'm pretty uh confident
that you would know how to maneuver through that. And
if anything, you would probably come to me first. It'd
be like, look, look what's you know? Which I would
do the same. I would be the first person to
stop something that someone was trying to infiltrate to us
in any sort of way. I'd just show you and
be like, look at this, like we're a unit, you know.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
Like, don't don't let those conversations inappropriate conversations, even if
you're not the one initiating it. Don't let one text
message go into more and more and more, like it's
a snowball effect and just you got to nip it
in the bud and that's it. Like if the person
can't respect that you're in a relationship, then that's not
a friend, first of all. But if you have a
good friend that you've been friends with for a long
(36:12):
time and they are of the opposite sex, tell your
partner be honest about it. Respect your partner, especially when
they're not around. And I think it's common sense at
the end of the day, like Emilio said, don't do
anything that you wouldn't want your partner to do. Plain
and simple. Treat people the way you want to be treated.
Bottom line, put yourself in your partner's shoes. If it
(36:33):
was the other way around, how would I feel. That's
what I always ask myself. I like to put myself
in other people's shoes and I'm like, Okay, yeah, this
isn't cool because I wouldn't like it. So always ask
yourself that. And honesty is the best policy. It's the truth.
That is the truth. It sounds cliche, but it is true.
I don't know if there's anything else you want to add,
baby before we say goodbye.
Speaker 3 (36:54):
Yeah, no, I just I think we've been doing a
good job with that. And I think it was a
few days ago where I told you, I'm like, I
feel pretty confident with your loyalty towards me. Same, like,
it's one of the rock solid things that we have
for sure. Yeah, I gotta feel that with you.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Yeah, Yeah, I think that's important. Yeah, loyalty, respect, trust, communication, forgiveness, patience,
being married, being in a relationship isn't easy, you guys.
But when both people want to make it work, they
will find a way.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
And that's that. Guys.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Thank you for listening.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
I hope that you were able to take some good
stuff from this conversation with my husband and that we're
able to help you in some way.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
And thank you.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Thank you for coming back to Cheeky's and Chill the
podcast where you get to chill, learn, listen, grow, and glow.
It's my new little thing, guys.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
I love you guys, mosquiro mucho, and I will I'll
see you guys soon. This is a production of iHeartRadio
and the Microldura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at
Michael Doura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's that's c h.
Speaker 3 (38:08):
I q u i s.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast
Welcome in, Welcome in.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Don't be shy, guys, come on in and listen to
this week's episode of your favorite podcast, Cheek is in
Chill Now. As you can tell by the title of
this episode, we're going to be talking about something that
people have very different opinions about. I feel like every
couple takes a different approach and has different rules when
it comes to having friends of the opposite sex, and
I'm here to share mine. I know this episode is
(00:27):
going to get a little juicy, so let's hop right
into it. I've decided to bring my wonderful husband, Emidio,
to talk about this topic. I wanted to get a
male's perspective, and I also wanted to give you guys
a little behind the scenes look at how we handle
things in our relationship.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Okay, so let's talk about it. Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
So I'm going to start off by saying that when
I met Emilio, it was different in every single way.
He is seven years younger. I think you wanted to
have a different type of relationship when we first let's
go back way back, okay, four and a half years ago.
(01:07):
So he was kind of like, Okay, I want to
do my thing I want to go on trips because
I think the first week, wait, the first week that
we were together, I went on a trip to a wedding,
and then the week after when I came back, then
he left on a trip and he was with a
friend recording working quote unquote, and there was a bunch
(01:32):
of girls.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
What it's not quote unquote, Yes it is quote.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Unquote because well, because okay, fine, you were working and
you got paid, yes, but you just had a lot
of fun with this particular client and who I love,
by the way, he's awesome. But when he was single,
then he had a bunch of girls where you guys were,
and there was a lot of ash shaking and thongs
and stuff, and that I remember him going and how
(01:58):
uncomfortable I felt, because I'm like, Okay, this is my
opportunity to grow. I want to grow, I want to
be better. I want this relationship to work again. It
was very fresh. It was two weeks in, but we
were really in it, and I really felt like, Okay,
I really like this guy, and this is not what
I was expecting in any way, it wasn't the right time,
and I was a little jaded, and I was very
(02:20):
honest with him, but I wanted it to work. So
I remember him saying, Okay, well, I still want to
be myself and go with my friends and go on
trips and this and this and that. And I said, okay, fine,
this is something new for me. I'm going to make
this work, and I'm also going to do the same.
With that being said, he also has not had because
(02:41):
he has a lot of female friends, very beautiful female friends.
In my opinion, I have.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Met them all.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
I don't want to be controlling you guys, like that's
my biggest thing. I'm like, I want him to be himself.
I feel like, and I learned from the past that
if you hold on too tight, the person's going to
want to let loose. You just have to let people
be and just say, hey, this makes me feel a
little uncomfortable. But anyway, it was very different for me.
But again, I think I did a pretty good job.
(03:10):
And tell me if I didn't. But I feel like
I did a pretty good job with embracing and you
were very good with letting me know, hey, this is
my friend, you know. And he would go to lunches
with his friends a lot, and he doesn't do that
as much and I remember thinking, oh my god, this
is so weird. This is so foreign for me, because
you know, I was with Latinos that were very machistas
(03:31):
and it was like, no, you can't show too much cleavage,
and you can't have guy friends and this and that,
and I was like, okay, yeah, you can't have any
friends of the opposite sex, is what I thought. But
I'm glad that we're together and that now we're that
I experienced this with you, because you did a very
(03:52):
nice job with letting me know about your friends that
are females and introduce me right away, and I think
that made the biggest difference.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Do you have anything to say, Yeah, I know, it's
a lot. I just I know.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
I know I said a lot.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
I think now that, especially when I look back, I
think I think what I really wanted, because even like
when you said, I may have said this, I may
have I may have said it differently. I honestly, I
don't really remember because it was a long time ago.
But like when you said, like well in the beginning, oh,
I want to be able to go on trips, I
want to do this, I want to do that, I
(04:31):
don't necessarily remember that feeling of wanting that. But what
I do remember is just I knew I just wanted
to do things different, and maybe I didn't know the
best way to do that yet because I had never
done it before. I was not a good person in
my twenties, you know, especially in partnerships, and I never
(04:51):
feel comfortable to just be like, all, we're all here,
we're all you know, include do you include a partner
in everything? In every part of my life? And when
I met you, it was the first time that I
did that. So it was just really me trying to
navigate on how to do it. And it wasn't perfect.
I made mistakes. I didn't know what I was doing.
(05:14):
But the wanting to be different, I just I kept
with that and they got me to where we're where
we're at, we're at now.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
So have you realized that you have more female friends
than guy friends?
Speaker 3 (05:26):
It's different, I feel for your perspective versus mine, because like,
I just think it's even, Like I think it's really
even because there's my close close people that I'll call
on a weekly basis, they're two or three and they're
they're all dudes. There's not a female friend actually who
(05:49):
I call on a regular basis or even really talk
to on a regular basis as much.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Do you think it's because we're together, honestly.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Not really. Things just change, like your daily things change,
like when I'm in my twenties, Like, yeah, I would
go probably have lunch with more often, but that's because
we probably live five minutes away from each other. It
was like, your life is different. You don't have like
someone that you're like, that's your priority, that's a part
of your life in such a big way. And even
(06:22):
if I did have someone, I wouldn't bring them, you
know what I mean. It's not because I'm married. It
doesn't change because I'm married and because I can't and
because I have It has nothing to do with that.
It's just life just changes.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Yeah, because I do want to clarify that. Yeah, because
I remember in the beginning it made me feel a
little uncomfortable because I again it was something new for me.
But I met them, all the ones that are important
to you anyway, you know, all these these women that
you introduced me to very very quickly, and they made
(06:58):
me feel a lot of peace. I love them all,
you know, and I appreciate them very much. And also
I think you are the type of guy that girls
can talk to and when they need advice, like, you're
that guy. You know, there's certain guys and you're one
of those guys. And I've learned that throughout the years,
which is why it doesn't bother me anymore. But in reality,
(07:19):
let's be honest, what do you really think about couples
having friends of the opposite sex?
Speaker 3 (07:27):
I think when especially in our conversations, when I say,
if I have to ever say, oh, my friend, has
my friend asked me to do this? My friend asked
me to that the word friend when your partner says
it the partner that's listening to it, sometimes it can
that word friend can feel a lot heavy because there's
a lot of unknown with it. It was like, what
does friend mean? And most of the time it's just
(07:50):
it's just how else do you refer to someone that
you just know, you know, you just kind of refer
to as the word friend?
Speaker 1 (07:57):
But maybe next time use homegirl.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
There's okay, there's like I think what we get scared
of is like the unknown of friend, Like because in
this world so many things can happen mm hmm. We
feel that there's a dark side of friend. Sometimes and
it's like sometimes they're just not like I literally just
I met this person maybe seven years ago and then
I've just known them now in my life and it's
(08:20):
not more than that. But I understand because like if
you just be like, hey, I have this friend and
I'm like, oh, I never heard of him, and well,
of course, like you lived an entire life before me,
and you've met people and you know people.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
That's what you told me by the way, You're like,
I lived an entire life before you, babe, I know
a lot of people. And that was I was like
harsh in a way. But then I'm like, it's a
harsh reality. He's being honest. I can't get can't be
so sensitive, but it's true.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
You're right, yeah, but it's not an insult or like
a thread or anything to like, it's just more of
a I see it more as a fact, you know
what I mean, like versus like trying to make you
feel like, well, whole life before it Like that's not
the way.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
I mean it, you know, I mean my mind sometimes
I'm like, there isn't anyone.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Before me, Like.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
I'm his first yeah, everything, everything.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Everything, Okay, So then let me ask you the question
in a different way. How would you feel if me
if your wife Janey had friends of the opposite sex.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
I mean, if that's just that the question is like okay, yeah,
Like I think there needs to be more than just that.
Do you have you have friends? Yes, you have. You
have a lot of friends that are I have a
lot of gay friends. You have a lot of.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Friends just that are that are male, or a lot
there's a lot of acquaintances. See that's a difference. Like
the people that we just mentioned. You have friends that
are females. I have a lot of acquaintances that are males,
and I keep them there.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
There is a.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Huge boundary I guess that I've always kept even before you. Now,
I think that it's a little different for us because
you came with these friends into the relationship and I
was coming into your life and I had to adjust
and accept and I did because I love you, and
(10:14):
because you did a very good job with being honest.
And I think that's what we have to clarify here
that I think it's the way that you approached everything,
and you did it early on. It wasn't a surprise.
You weren't hiding it because you were trying to do
things differently that made me feel safe. And I met
them and they're all amazing women whom I love very
(10:35):
much that now they're my friends. Now if there's just
a random female coming in, it's like, oh, she's my friend,
it's like, well, wait, wait a second, that's a little
weird for me, you know. And I think that would
be the same situation on my end, Like I have
a lot of friends. I have, like I said, like
a lot of gay friends that I talked to all
(10:56):
the time. But there's no threat there because they're gay, right.
But there are a lot of industry men that I know.
But again, it's not someone that I would text all
the time. But I'm curious to know, Like, what if
there's someone like, for instance, I don't know, I can't
even think of someone, but someone that I've worked with
in the past that he said, hey, let's catch up,
let's go to lunch, and you've probably met them, would
(11:20):
you be okay? Like you've met them in passing and
you know who they are. Let's say, and I'm like, hey,
my friend invited me to lunch. You know him, so
and so would you be okay with me going to
lunch with him.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
I think there's a I mean you know this about me,
I as as your husbands, as the protector of our
home and protector of you. I read people, and I'm
straight up with my feelings towards people. I can get
a jump on someone pretty quickly, I feel, and it
(11:52):
depends on like the person. And I think that's okay
to say, because I feel like that goes both ways.
Like for sure, yeah, if you don't feel comfortable with
someone and you can just kind of tell I mean
I would hope that you would hope that I would
know better to like not even not even bring it
to the table. Yeah, And same with you. And it's
(12:12):
like I think the trust it goes with the trust.
It goes with the trust, Like I chose you to
be my wife because I trust that you'll make the
right decision. You won't never present anything that's on some
weird stuff.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Yeah, I know you now you know like idea the
way you are and what you'd.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Be okay with or not. And I know better in
certain situations, you know, And.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
I feel like that's what we've built where it's like
bringing it up to your partners is like definitely the
right thing to do, but going into it, you should
probably already know the answer I feel with whatever it is.
Or sometimes there just needs to be a discussion about it,
and after the discussion, it's like it's not like a
normal thing that we do in our schedule in our
daily Like we don't just go do that all the time.
(12:56):
So if it ever came around, I think we would
just need to have a conversation about it before it happened, Yeah,
for us both to feel comfortable, because then if I'm
in the unknown, I'm gonna you know, I can, I
can think of things and start start going down a
rabbit hole in my own head, and then you'll probably
feel uncomfortable doing it, and then it doesn't feel good.
So it's like just talking and figuring that out together
(13:20):
is a lot better. So it's not just like a
black and white answer.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Yeah, I get that.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Okay, So let me ask you something about your past then,
because you've had these friends for a long time, right,
these female friends in your past relationships right before me,
were you okay with that partner having friends of the
opposite sex? Like, were you being fair?
Speaker 3 (13:52):
Absolutely not. But also I've never had a relationship where
the dynamic is like this where it's like, okay, we're
keeping tabs on who's being fair and who's not being fair.
I was just completely being unfair the entire time. So
to me, it was just it was kind of like
I had my own world with my friends and just
doing whatever I wanted, and then when it was time
(14:12):
to be with whoever the girl was like, it was separate,
Like I kept them separate.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
It never meshed both worlds. Yeah, that was never meant
to work. There's no way that can work.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Absolutely not. Yeah, I did that on purpose for a
long time, and then I realized that that wasn't cool.
I think I always had it in me to Like
I always knew I wanted to be a good person.
I just didn't know how to and I didn't have
an experience to get to that point yet. And then
(14:44):
when a new situation would come then I'm like, okay,
well i'm gonna I'm going to do the same thing,
but I'm going to tell you that I'm going to
do this. So to me, I felt like it was
a step forward, even though it was still wrong. I
was like, well, at least I'm telling this person what
it is, and that it's not official, not this, it's
not that.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
So you weren't being nice.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
I wasn't. But I also wasn't happy either, okay, yeah,
And I felt like I was searching for this thing
to like, what's going to make me happy? Why am I?
Why am I not happy?
Speaker 2 (15:12):
And it was just it just wasn't the right fit.
It wasn't the right person. It wasn't And so that
that person. Not to say that they're bad, you know,
but it was just not the right fit. And they
weren't you weren't able to be your best self, or
you weren't ready or I don't know, but I was
just wondering, because you know, I think about it all
the time. I'm like, Okay, you know, when we first met,
he would go to lunch with his girlfriends a lot,
(15:34):
and and now you don't. And I don't ever want
them to think that it's because of me, because I'm
okay with it. And I also and if I can
ask you, is it because you know you don't want
to do it because then you don't want me to
do it?
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Perhaps?
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Or is it just life is happening and you just
you haven't been able to do it.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
I think it's to make sure of bost. Like sometimes
I'm like, well, do I even want to open this
can of worms? But I don't. I don't think of
that in a malicious way where I'm like, oh, it
is tricky. It is tricky, but also a bigger part
of it is just we're just doing other stuff. Yeah,
And it has nothing to do with like, I'm not
doing this on purpose. Your priority is just grow different.
(16:14):
And you have this schedule and like in a good
and bad way, you fall into like a life schedule. Yeah,
And like we have our routines and we do what
we do, and there's like a wild card time where
I'm like, Okay, well we don't know what we're gonna do.
We're just gonna go figure it out and have fun.
We have so many different worlds that we can go
step into and so many different friend groups, so it's
like anything can almost happen.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Well, I just want to, you know, give you some
peace of mind and some ease, And it's here recorded
that I wouldn't mind, you know. I think for me,
if there was someone new that came about and you're
going to go to lunch with them, that would make
me feel weird at this point. But if it's the
women that I've already met that I know that respect me,
and I respect them, and you know, I don't mind.
(17:00):
I think it's actually good for you because they're your
friends and they're they give you good advice, you know,
And I don't. What I'm afraid of happening is you
had a whole life before me, and your life has changed.
But I also don't want you to abandon that one
hundred percent because that's your individuality. And maybe you'll go
(17:22):
and say, you know what, it was cool, but I
don't need to do that for a while, or I
just rather go with my wife, or I don't know,
but I don't want it to Like for you not
to do it because you're worried about me, I'm okay
with it, like, because if you get lost in my world,
then you're going to eventually resent me. I mean, but
I think we have a different relationship where we speak
about a lot of things. We have great communication, and
(17:44):
that is absolutely key.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Guys.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Communication, I always say this, with your partner and being
honest and bringing things to the table and discussing it
and finding a middle ground. That's going to make a
world of a difference.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Yeah, And I feel really confident on this, which I
think helps both of our insecurities, is that we created
our world. So when I'm with you, it's not that
I'm just Oh, I'm just in your world and I
do anything you want, same world. Sure, I feel that
more than ever, Like our home, our marriage, our life.
(18:21):
Like when we're together, I don't ever feel like I'm
just doing everything she wants and it's just it's her
world and I'm just getting dragged along in it. Like
I don't feel that in our relationship at all.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
I'm glad to hear that because then I think that
also changed in me as soon as we got married.
There was like a switch, and then couple's therapy helped
a lot with it's not you and him, it's you guys,
and you guys are a team. I think she used
our therapist Tanya, who you guys have met here on
the podcast as well. She said that you were on
(18:54):
the same basketball team and in order to win the game,
you have to work together.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
It's how does she say it? Can you You've explained
it better.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
It's just we're a team and we can't win or
lose against each other because the moment you start doing that,
you already lost everything.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Or see it as this separation.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
Yeah, we have to it's you and me versus the problem,
and that's that's what it's going to be.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Yeah, we're a power team.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Okay, babe.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
So I have a question in medio Sanchez, So do
you think it is possible, now that we've talked about
all this, for relationships to be healthy and work when
one of the partners or both of the partners have
friends of the opposite text, do you really think it
can work?
Speaker 3 (19:44):
I think it absolutely can work for sure.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
How give people some advice? Tell them what's the best
thing that they can do, Like, because we talked a
little bit about everything, but now we need to give
them like here, here are the this is the advice.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
Yeah, I mean when you brought that up right now
that I introduced you to them very fast, Like honestly,
that was me panicking, like because I was so uncomfortable
with it in the past. I'm like, I just I
needed I need to do this right now because were
but I'm also glad I did it, but now today
I would have done it differently. There would be no brush.
But I felt a guilt because I'm like also scared
(20:19):
because I also cared about what we had at the beginning,
you know, and I cared about our relationship and your feelings.
But it was out of panic because I have never
done that before. So it did feel scary. It did
feel like maybe I was doing it for the wrong
reason or I'm hiding things, and was like, no, I
just I just again, I didn't know what I was doing.
(20:41):
But I also am glad now that we did it. Yeah,
I mean, I wouldn't ever bring I wouldn't ever bring
anyone that I shouldn't bring in or around us our life,
or around you, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Yeah, Like you're really good with that.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Wouldn't bring anyone that's weird or you know, doesn't have
good intentions. Yeah, you're very good, Like you said earlier,
you're very good with reading people. And I trust your
judgment and I trust your opinion very much. And what
do you think about people staying contact or being friends
with their exes.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
Personally? I think that's different for everyone. Some people are
more comfortable, some people are not comfortable personally. In our life,
I'm not comfortable with it in our relationship and in
our life. I don't think it's necessary. If there was
things in the beginning that we needed to let go,
let go of them do it. Yeah, I don't think
(21:41):
there needs to be a relationship there.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Yeah, I personally feel that there's no no need.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Just recently, we had a bit of a situation because
of Johnny. Johnny's very close to an X of mine.
I don't need to say names people that know know,
but he was going through a situation my ex and
I had a conversation through Johnny with him and he
just wanted to say thank you to me about something.
(22:11):
And it happened so quickly that I didn't have a
chance to let a media know, hey, this is going
to happen, because it just happened without planning. But I
decided and I chose to be honest with the media
because I'm like, there's just no way that I'm going
to keep that inside and keep it from him, and
it's going to make me feel good. And I want
(22:34):
to ask you, like, how did that make you feel
when I told you.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Yeah, it's weird, because you know, like as like a
real person, like you think like, oh, well, maybe you
shouldn't have done it without telling me first. But then
you also understand, like, well, I guess the way it happens,
and I know, and I know Johnny, and I know
how he is. He just kind of wants like if
he has like a moment, he wants you in a moment.
So like I underunderstand how how it happened. It didn't
(23:03):
bother me too much. It just it probably alerts to you
a little bit, probably like you got my attention. But
I don't think it did anything more than that. And
I think it like, I don't think it needs to
be more than what it was.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Yeah, you told me that, you said, okay, then it happened.
Thank you for letting me know, and let's just leave
it at that. Don't let that continue, don't let that
one conversation turn into more. And I respect of that,
and I said, okay, cool. I just wanted to be
honest with you and let you know because there's no
bad blood there. I'm grateful and he's married and he's
doing his thing and he knows I'm married. It was
(23:38):
just a little conversation, but I did feel I needed
to be honest with you with him. With Emilio, a
Now that we're talking about this topic, I do think
that something that goes hand in hand with this is ultimatums.
Emidio and I love shows ninety D fiance, the ultimatum,
all that stuff, And we had this conversation one time
in bed, and I personally don't think ultimatum's work. I
(24:03):
think your partner should know what is right ish right.
And I personally never thought to even tell Emilio hey,
especially because these girls his friends were there before me,
to say, okay, well it's either your friendship with them
or myself. I didn't even want to go in the
(24:25):
relationship with that energy. One thing I will tell you
is when this whole thing came up where he's like, hey,
my friend hit me up and I'm going to go
do a photo shoot and this and that, and I said, wait,
well friend, I was like, I've never heard of her.
I did tell him, well, you can't do it. As
the words were coming out of my mouth, I was like, oh,
this isn't good, Jene, like, this isn't good.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
This is money for him.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
They're paying him like he's also his friend, you know,
it's kind of he's doing him a favor. Like I
just and then I backtracked and I said, I'm so
sorry that I said that. I don't want to be
that person do it, like, I don't want to stop
you from making your money or not only that, for
you to make a decision on your own, and I
will tell you guys. He went, and he was so
(25:10):
good about it. Hey, babe, I'm here, send me videos,
pictures like he does his part. You do your part,
babe at making me feel comfortable, and I think that's amazing.
Like I didn't ask you for any of that stuff.
I knew. The day came and I'm like, okay, I
don't know this girl, you know, because I of course
I was like, well, let me see your instagram.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Who is this girl?
Speaker 2 (25:28):
You know? I sure did you know? Little Tooxi comes
in a little bit and I was like, oh, she's cute.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
I was like okay.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
I was like, okay, it's okay, Jena, it's fine. This
is not your first rodeo with him, It's fine. There
are always beautiful women around in medio chill out. I
had to talk to myself and be like, Jenny, it's fine.
But then he by himself, was like, hey, babe, I'm here.
I'm going, I'm leaving. I like, communication is so important,
And tell me, how did it make you feel when
I told you you can't do it?
Speaker 3 (25:55):
I forgot that that happened. I think I felt Santa Usa.
I'm like, I think what you're right now is not you, Like,
that's not that's not the real you. And it just
alerts you, you know. And again it's another reason why
I picked you. It's another reason why I trust you,
because like, you check yourself and a lot of people
don't do that, and I trust that you'll you'll get
(26:18):
to that place of clear thinking on your own sometimes.
So I'm glad that worked. When I was there at
the shoot, I obviously the way my brain works is
just like, well what I want her doing. If it
was the other way around, Like if I don't text
you the whole time I was there, I'm like, oh,
I got busy. I'm like, well, it takes two seconds
to send a text. It's just it's just making that effort.
(26:40):
And like for me, I have that feeling of like
I want to take care of Janay. I need to
like just make sure she's good no matter what I'm doing.
I could have been with hanging out with one of
my guy friends. I could have been doing this, but
I that always stays in my head of like, let
me make sure you're good because it's the most important
thing for me.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Thanks, dude. What do you think about ultimatums?
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Ultimatums? I think, thankfully, we've never got like that's never
been a topic of conversation in our relationship. I think
it is a very common thing. It's something that you
think of, like when I think of like relationships or
even my passion relationship, like, well, you either cut us
person out or you don't, or it's me or them,
(27:22):
you know.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
I don't think that's healthy.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
I don't think our foundation wouldever let us get to
that point. Thankfully. Think I think if that's what you're
getting to, then you have other problems to fix in
your relationship before having to make that decision of ultimatum.
I don't think they're healthy. I don't think they're good. Yeah,
if we get to that point, I would hope that
you would, you know, you would have enough information on
(27:44):
your end to like make the right decision or to
take care of that in your own way. Like at
least I know if I got to a point where
I'm like, well, I have to choose between someone and
my wife. Like, I mean, I wouldn't throw fuel in
that fire to keep it going to have to for
you to have to give me that ultimatum. I'd handle
it on my own and never let it get to that. Yeah,
(28:07):
And I think that's why we work because we get
that with each other.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
I think it all just depends on the situation. But
I think ninety percent of the time, ninety five percent
of the time and ultimatum just isn't healthy.
Speaker 3 (28:19):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
I wouldn't want to put anyone in that position of
having to choose, because I want them to choose freely
what they want and what they think is right. And
if they're meant for me, they're going to make the
right decision without me having to ask. That's really my
take on it. And I feel like if you give
someone an ultimatum like and they do do what you want,
(28:39):
then it would never feel organic for me. It would
feel like I forced you to do this and make
this decision. And guys, remember when I met Emilio, I
was seventy pounds heavier.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Do you remember that?
Speaker 3 (29:00):
Yeah? I do.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Now I'm the hottest I've ever been in my whole life.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
Yes, you are, but I'm.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
Working very hard at it.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Okay, I have to wake up at five thirty in
the morning to go work out, not have to, I
choose to anyway. So I feel like it was more
this whole trust thing that we have between each other,
with having friends of the opposite sex. I think it
just comes with the feeling we give each other. It's
not even like because I physically feel better, because even
(29:27):
when I was heavier, this is when everything happened. When
we first started, I was I was.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
I was thick, thick.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
You know you loved it right, Yeah, now you're just thick.
Now I'm just thick. Before I was thick thick. So
I do think that it was just something that it's
how you handle the situation, babe, that made me feel
more confident and secure with myself because I knew you
were completely attracted to me, And even if these girls
(29:56):
they are beautiful and a lot thinner than I was,
it was how you treated me and how you made
me even when we went to go eat with them,
it was like you made me feel like I was
the most beautiful girl in the room. You've always made
me feel that way even when I was bigger, like
for sure, because I thought I was the hottest thing
walking around.
Speaker 3 (30:17):
You were you are.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Because now I see videos and I'm like, okay, damn,
all right, dah people would call me miss Piggy now
and now I see why. I was like okay, but
still I was cute, you know, but you made me
feel very confident. And I think it's also your partner,
how they make you feel and you you constantly tell me.
We tell each other like I only I really honestly
I see you. And when I tell you that you're handsome,
(30:39):
it's because I feel it in that one. I'm like, damn,
he's so handsome, Like I don't know, Like as time
goes by, I'm like, dude, he's so he's hot, you know,
And I think that that helps.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Yeah, and I get it because I'll look at you
and I'm like, you're so beautiful. I'm like, you look
so pretty, and then you really do and you think,
are you like you're just saying that. I'm like, no,
I'm looking at you and I see it and I
feel it. Yeah. It's funny because in the beginning, you know,
I mean, everyone has insecurities and they're so dumb, you know,
Like I remember like, oh, well, maybe you like that
guy because he has bigger arms. So I'm like, oh well,
(31:12):
I need bigger arms. But then I'm like, I'm like, cool,
if that guy has bigger arms, guess what. I know
what I give in this relationship and all of the
inner work and all of the patients and all of
the communication and everything that I give to actually make
this relationship function that holds more weight than any sort
(31:34):
of size arms, or any sort of abs or any
sort of what other someone else has or in a
material way. Like I'm so at peace with that now,
and I feel so secure in us, in our relationship
and with myself. I'm like, I know what we have
because of you and me, and there's no sort of
(31:55):
physical thing on this earth that can ever make me
not feel Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
And I think it also took me also giving you
that confidence, because at first I think you felt that way,
but because I wasn't doing my job as your girlfriend
of making you feel more confident, I think maybe you know.
I don't know, because I think we had little conversations
about that, or I just reinforced you more.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
I don't really know.
Speaker 3 (32:24):
But yeah, there's many layers. There's many layers of making
your partner feel secure, and we've just worked on that.
We've worked on it because when we didn't or when
there was just a lack of in the beginning, just
naturally there's you know, we need to figure how to
make our partner feel secure. We can tell the difference,
(32:45):
and it brings things out. And I think we just
were great out adjusting. Okay, this fight in the beginning
of a relationship. Why did we fight? What caused it? Well,
if it has to do with someone else or something else, okay,
and we just we know how to fix it. Yeah,
And naturally, over time, fixing all those problems makes your
partner feel more secure if you do it in the
(33:07):
right way.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Yeah. I think for me it came with age.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
It came with age where I was just like, you know,
I know who I am, I know my heart, I
know what I bring to the table, and I don't
mean materialistically or I mean like my heart, you know,
and what I want and what I want out of life.
And I think that also gives you a different type
of confidence, you know, because there's always going to be
someone that's prettier and more fit than you are. It's
(33:33):
just what it is. It has prettier hair or whatever
the case may be. But as long as you know
who you are in the depth of your heart and
what you bring to someone's life, that is unique and
no one else can replace that. Like, that's that's what's
given me at this age, at this you know, moment
(33:53):
of my life has given me a different type of confidence.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
Yeah. So the way I make you feel, knowing how
I can make you feel on any given day and
any given moment, that gives me a lot of security
and a lot of confidence. Yeah, because I know you
could be having the worst day ever and within ten
minutes we're laughing and just in our own world. And
(34:18):
that's like, I'm super confident in that.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
And just to close this and conclude this episode, if
you do have friends of the opposite sex and you
are going to enter a new relationship, be honest from
the very beginning.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
Let them know.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Hey, so I want you to know one of my
really good friends happens to be a dude or vice versa.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Be honest.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
I personally feel that there's no need for a friend
who text you too late, unless it's an emergency, and
if so, let your partner know, Like, Hey, so and so,
just text me it's eleven pm. Just want to show
you nothing or tell me the next morning. I don't know,
let the person know before they find out. I think
that that is the best thing that you could do,
(35:05):
is bringing the information forward.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
Yeah, I mean, I feel like, I mean, it's just
it's it is pretty simple, like just don't let anything
happened that you wouldn't want your partner doing. It's just
really what it is. Like. Also, trust that your partner
will handle or stop anything, because you know, we can't
(35:27):
control what other people do. And I'm pretty uh confident
that you would know how to maneuver through that. And
if anything, you would probably come to me first. It'd
be like, look, look what's you know? Which I would
do the same. I would be the first person to
stop something that someone was trying to infiltrate to us
in any sort of way. I'd just show you and
be like, look at this, like we're a unit, you know.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
Like, don't don't let those conversations inappropriate conversations, even if
you're not the one initiating it. Don't let one text
message go into more and more and more, like it's
a snowball effect and just you got to nip it
in the bud and that's it. Like if the person
can't respect that you're in a relationship, then that's not
a friend, first of all. But if you have a
good friend that you've been friends with for a long
(36:12):
time and they are of the opposite sex, tell your
partner be honest about it. Respect your partner, especially when
they're not around. And I think it's common sense at
the end of the day, like Emilio said, don't do
anything that you wouldn't want your partner to do. Plain
and simple. Treat people the way you want to be treated.
Bottom line, put yourself in your partner's shoes. If it
(36:33):
was the other way around, how would I feel. That's
what I always ask myself. I like to put myself
in other people's shoes and I'm like, Okay, yeah, this
isn't cool because I wouldn't like it. So always ask
yourself that. And honesty is the best policy. It's the truth.
That is the truth. It sounds cliche, but it is true.
I don't know if there's anything else you want to add,
baby before we say goodbye.
Speaker 3 (36:54):
Yeah, no, I just I think we've been doing a
good job with that. And I think it was a
few days ago where I told you, I'm like, I
feel pretty confident with your loyalty towards me. Same, like,
it's one of the rock solid things that we have
for sure. Yeah, I gotta feel that with you.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Yeah, Yeah, I think that's important. Yeah, loyalty, respect, trust, communication, forgiveness, patience,
being married, being in a relationship isn't easy, you guys.
But when both people want to make it work, they
will find a way.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
And that's that. Guys.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Thank you for listening.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
I hope that you were able to take some good
stuff from this conversation with my husband and that we're
able to help you in some way.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
And thank you.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Thank you for coming back to Cheeky's and Chill the
podcast where you get to chill, learn, listen, grow, and glow.
It's my new little thing, guys.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
I love you guys, mosquiro mucho, and I will I'll
see you guys soon. This is a production of iHeartRadio
and the Microldura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at
Michael Doura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's that's c h.
Speaker 3 (38:08):
I q u i s.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast
Host
Chiquis
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